the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
