I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a search helicopter?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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