There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
