I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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