"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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