how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
