We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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