I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
