Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
