i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
