Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
