I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
