I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize