shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
