I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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