Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
