I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
