Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
