I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
