I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
