help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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