they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
