Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
