and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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