why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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