There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
