I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
