Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
