You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just googled if crying burns calories
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
