Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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