Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize