I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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