none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
