actually, I'm a sock model
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
