Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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