He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
