She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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