you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
