Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
