My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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