he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
