You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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