god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
