he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
