dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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