Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
