i just had sex bonerless
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
