oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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