Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
