she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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