I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
