is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
