No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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