I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
