I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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