"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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