I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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