Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
