I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
