They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
