I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
