You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You've changed since you got that strap on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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