Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
