My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just cut my nipple shaving
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
