At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
