i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
