Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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