So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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