I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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