so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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