Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
