My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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