She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
