My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
