No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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