I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize