singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
