i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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