i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
