She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
