I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
